Round up

Last weekend's party was much more successful than I had thought it would be. I had been somewhat pessimistic going in and it could easily have been a lot of work for very little reward, but I really had fun. Dust and Broadkaster both played good energetic sets and it is very gratifying to play to a crowd that is enjoying themselves and giving you good feedback. I played a very different set than I had intended, but it went over well as evidenced by the number of sweaty people wanting to give me hugs. It was good to see a number of friends and a couple of completely unexpected faces that blew me away. I liked the space as well and if it weren't for the great distance between here and there, I could easily see that being used regularly.



While down south, I got a bunch of pictures from last years BurningMan, including a short clip of Andi and me in a dust storm (I'll post it when I'm in a location with a better internet connection). Wonderful memories.....




Yesterday was my birthday and it was a good one. I went with a group of friends to the El Dorado Kitchen in Sonoma. I think everyone agreed the food was very good. I'm lucky to have the group of friends I have. Even at work, I had "Happy Birthday" sung three times (okay after the second time it was overkill, but at least I know they love me) and my boss brought in a great cake to the office. I also ended up with three books even though I did not really want presents (and they all look to be interesting ones).

"I’m sure many people played a similar mental game as kids: If you had to choose, which of the five senses would you give up first until you were left with only one. I recall surrendering the senses of smell and taste with little fanfare. Deliberations were somewhat longer to eliminate the sense of touch, but by the wayside it eventually went. Then the real struggle began: sight or sound? To drink in the visual tapestries of the world around me in a vacuum of silence or to be locked in a place of darkness with music and voices and tones as my bridge to the rest of humanity, which would be easier to accept? Every time I played this decision tree through my mind I would ultimately settle on keeping the branch of sound. Music has become an extension of emotion for me, a place of salvation and release, my drug of choice. My decision today has to stay the same….

For most it remains a game; a fanciful exercise of the imagination. Few will ever face anything like this in real life. For me, nature has cruelly conspired to set in motion the process that will take the choice out of my hands and make it real; far more real than I care to believe yet, but denial can only last so long. I am going blind. And it scares me.

I always had bad eyesight although I was unaware of it until others realized I could not see some of the things they were trying to show me off in the distance. Soon I had glasses and the self consciousness they brought. Eventually in high school I was able to get contacts and they held my eyes in check. There was very little degradation of my eyes for nearly a decade. Then like the slippery slope, the eyes started getting worse. At this juncture it is no longer an “if” but a “when”. In some ways, I have been preparing for this without even knowing it. My grandfather lost the sight in his left eye to cataracts nearly thirty years ago and after my grandmother died seven years ago, he had shingles from the stress of her death and it attacked his good eye. For seven years I have observed how limited his world has become. At the age of 93, he is in otherwise perfectly good health, has no medical problems or medication to take, but he is isolated by his blindness. He does love to have us visit and talk and yet there is a palpable sadness in many of those conversations because his mind is still clear and he knows what he has lost. He could keep himself endlessly entertained if he could still see (and read), but that option is long gone. That world will be my world.

The inevitability is there and I am not interested in denying my fate, but it does become an interesting motivator. I have an enormous number of books I keep gnawing away at and close to a hundred films I have stockpiled but not yet seen. I am working in earnest to spend the next two years traveling the world to see as much of it as I can before it all goes dark for me. How long do I have? No one can say for sure. I hope to make the most of the time I do have and immerse myself as completely as possible in the visual stimuli I find around me. And maybe I will come to view this transitional phase of my life as a blessing, although it is difficult to couch it in those terms now."

Til the Dust Settles....