The Truth About.....

Recently, a book appeared on our "Take a book/Leave a book" shelf at work. I had heard about it on various websites and so I grabbed it. "The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 Facts About the World's Greatest Human" by Ian Spector, is the kind of thing that is sooooo stupid that it folds in on itself and becomes funny (at least in parts). I find it amusing, as well, that Ian Spector is listed as the "author" when the complete content of the book was submitted by visitors to his website. It also mirrors (sometimes word for word) bits of the Bill Brasky skits on SNL in the late 90's. The whole thing highlights a few things I have been ruminating over lately and will mention after a sampling of 13 Norris "truisms" that made me laugh as I imagined what would be required for them to actually take place.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, there is only another fist.

Chuck Norris kicked a fifty yard field goal while having sex.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

Chuch Norris was once on celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris beat IBM's Deep Blue computer at chess in three moves. He had only a pawn, a thimble, and a checker.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris in the leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuch Norris hit puberty during the second trimester.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris' beard hit .370 in the minors before hurting its knee.

Chuck Norris owns the best poker face of all time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite him holding a Joker, a Get Out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 card from the game Uno.

Every cell in Chuck Norris' body has its own beard.

Chuck Norris bemoans the fact that the typical American is unaware that Walker, Texas Ranger is an unscripted reality show.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuch Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within three minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly roundhouse kicked.

So, as amusing as that was, it is symptomatic of several things I see in our culture today that do not bode well for humanity. I am just beginning to read "The Dumbest Generation: How the Digital Age Stupifies Young Americans and Jeopardizes Our Future" by Mark Bauerlein. I picked it up after reading an NPR review. It is a subject that bothers me quite a bit and I am frequently stunned at the extent of the lack of awareness/knowledge exhibited by people of my generation and the ones that will be making up our future 'leaders'.